I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I have post one night stand depression
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