fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
