PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
