The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
