Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
His nipple licking is glorious
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