okay pat passed out under dana's car
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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