Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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