Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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