shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
organizing the empties. That sober.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
my poor anus
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
