2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
