Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You pole danced in your parka.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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