oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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