Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
