the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
