It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
