I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
