Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
