I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
