if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
