Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
