he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
