Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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