He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
