I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Randomize
