i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
