does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
