Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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