I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
