Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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