so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
