I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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