Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
