Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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