wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
