Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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