Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
