she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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