Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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