Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
