I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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