Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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