so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
