i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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