i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
