I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
