it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
