he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
