What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
