I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
