You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
