my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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