I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
